Wednesday, June 13, 2012

BertBlogMovieReview: Prometheus

The plot:
In the not so distant future, a team of scientists and corporate big shots decipher hieroglyphics found over time and determine it's an invitation...OR IS IT??? DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!

My Take:
Sorry the plot is so vague, but I want to be careful not to give anything away.  I saw this movie in 3D IMAX and visually, it's stunning! Some parts seem like their ripped out from the ultimate Tool music video! The story itself, well that's pretty cool too.  Just so you all know, you don't need to have watched Alien to know what's going on.  I am one of the few remaining that has not seen the 1979 classic, but I was not lost at all.  Amongst other things, this movie gives it's version of the answer to the question "how did we get here?"  It takes place on a planet where we meet the alien race that could be the "engineers" of the human race as we know it. Director Ridley Scott does his usual genius work bringing this story, and the vivid world we visit, to life.  A star studded cast does an excellent job of telling this tale of adventure, a quest and horror to us.  I highly recommend this film. 

I guess the question, the ultimate question really, of how we got here and why are we here, always makes for an entertaining story.  I noticed a familiar name as a co-screenwriter.  Any fan of Lost will know it too.  Damon Lindeloff was involved and if you think back, in retrospect, to Lost, it basically tries to answer some of the same questions.  You can tell from the writing that Lindeloff and his cohorts are very adept at telling stories with these sorts of ethereal questions at the heart.  And, for you Alien buffs, this sets the table and, from what I've gathered from listening to friends who have seen Alien, it's the origin story. 

If you have $18 to spend, it's well worth it.  It's a movie going experience to the fullest.   Fun, thought provoking and we were talking about it after it was over.  What more can you ask for from a movie? 

Grade B+/A-

Thursday, June 7, 2012

BertBlog Quickie: Ice Cold Heat

Sorry, ladies, but sports are a huge part of my life.  So, from time to time, you're going to be stuck reading about it.  I wanted to write, real quick, about the potential downfall of the Miami Heat tonight.  If not for my Yanks, I would probably be in a mental hospital because of the inadequacy of the teams I root for. (Knicks, Raiders) Also, as a Yanks fan, the Met fan who somehow takes pleasure in the failures of the Yanks really sticks in my craw.  This math equation that they've developed Yankees+failure=Mets Success, bothers me to no end.  One team has nothing to do with the other.  But like everyone else, I have my share of hypocrisies.  If the Heat lose this series to Boston, I will somehow and for some dumb reason, I will take this season as a success.  My Knicks have a long way to go to be relevant again.  But the Heat's possible failure will make it more palpable. 

I guess it starts and ends with the Lebron.   I support a free agent's ability to choose wherever he wants to play.  And, Lebron had every right to choose Miami.   It's the way he chose it that bothered me.  Like most, the whole "Announcement" spectacle rubbed me the wrong way.  That pep rally though...that was it.  Who the hell did these 3 assholes think they were?  Aside from the fact that they anointed themselves champions, and the famous Lebron "not 3, not 4..." quote was absurd, it was the overall corny-ness of the pep rally that ruined me on that team and made me wish failure on them.  I pride myself on a pretty well developed sense of humor.  I know when things are funny.  Like when Scott Stegan made a comment on my spelling, that wasn't funny.  Louis CK is funny...What the Heat did that day sent my humor sensors into overload as the most unfunny, assholish thing I had ever seen.  They brought this shit on themselves. 

Furthermore, as someone who grew up on the epic battles of the 80's and early 90's with teams such as the Bulls, Celts, Lakers, Pistons and my Knicks, the battle lines were drawn and the rivalries were filled with hatred.  You would never hear of Jordan thinking of joining with Barkley, or Bird looking to team up with Malone and Stockton.  What Bosh, Wade and James did, to me, seemed...cowardly.  It seemed like three bullies teaming up to beat up all the nerds.  I felt cheated out of James' and Wade's legacies as separate, all time great athletes to ever play the sport.  I don't think they had any ideal that this move would make them public enemies number 1 and 2, respectively.  But it has.  Their potential failure for the 2nd year in a row brings me great joy.  I would love to see these cowards fall to Celtics or Thunder.  It will not mean my Knicks had a successful season, but it will offer me some solace that bullies, in the end, don't always win. 

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

A BertBlog quickie: The Wire

OK, listen up.  First off, completely unrelated, don't be one of those annoying douches that comments about grammatical errors.  It's not funny and kiss my ass.  OK, with that said, I took it upon myself, some years back, to become a profit and spread the word about the greatest TV show ever created.  I speak of course of the masterpiece that is The Wire.  Look, I don't put much stock in what someone watches, but if you haven't watched the Wire then you are a loser.  There has never been a show like it and will never be one like it again.  It almost has become a litmus test for my friendship.  It's one of those shows that I can't over hype, or oversell.  It always lives up to the billing.  Give season 1 a try.  If by the end of that, you don't want to keep going, well then you're useless and probably live a meaningless life. pressure.  By the end, as the show wraps up (5 seasons, around 60ish eps in all) you will feel like you lost good friends in a world that you will never get to visit for the first time again.  The good news is the re-watchability factor is off the charts.   I probably watched the seasons over and over again 4 or 5 times already.  The writing, the acting, the stories will forge a connection that you will more than likely never experience again with any other show.  It is creator David Simon's crowning achievement.  I strongly recommend.  For fans of the show already.  Funny or Die came up with this little gem.  enjoy.

My Warped Brain Unleashed

Hi folks! In the coming weeks, months and years, I will be starting a blog.   I know, the thought of it frightens me too.  I've thought long and hard (giggle) about this, and I decided that if I'm going to do this, I have to be brutally candid.  Meaning, I cannot pull punches with the fear that I may offend.  So, this will be, in essence, Bert Extract.  This blog will feature my true feelings, thoughts, concerns and such on whatever topic I decide to take on that day.  Whether it be sports, movies, politics, women, gossip, current events or whatever, you will get the truth, the whole truth and nothing least as I see it.  I figure there are so many idiots out there with a blog, why should I be any different as the self proclaimed King of the Idiots?  Please note that there will not be a set time table.  I'll write when I feel like it.  A forced writing for the sake of writing, is never entertaining.  So, welcome aboard on this new endeavor of mine.  I look forward to this.  As those who know me can attest, I always have an opinion.  If I, by chance, anger, offend or insult anyone, seriously, get over it.  I am an idiot.  You shouldn't take me seriously.  So sit back and enjoy.